I first noticed the odd sensation of panic when I was 23 years old, I was in WHSmith's looking for a DIY Divorce. The next time was after the traumatic emergency cesarian, 7 years later.
Year by year panic attacks began to appear out of some dark unhealed space inside my chest. I developed an anxiety disorder.
I haven't had a panic attack for years now, and I've been on a quest to find out what was happening inside, and how it affected every part of my life.
Here are a few (100) thoughts, beliefs, or feelings that grew stronger with each year of not knowing what to do, searching, and suffering.
When I look at this list, it's with a lot of sadness, and love for myself.
I've come a long way, and I no longer have an anxiety disorder. That's not to say I don't feel anxious, I mean it no longer rules my life or gets too much anymore.
I have most of my time anxiety-free, and I love it.
This was my life after suffering a painful trauma in my early thirties.
What’s wrong with me?
I hate driving
That song has a message for me
I hate going to the shops/bars/cafes
What if I faint?
I can’t breathe
I need to be silent
Can we talk?
Don’t look at me
I’m weird, and not in a funky way
I can’t make surface conversations anymore
I need more Palo Santo, Buddha’s, a new journal
I’ll never be able to get passed this
No one understands me
No more sugar
I’m really struggling, and no one knows
What happened to the confident me?
What if this gets worse?
I’ll help ( Others)
Why did I say yes to that?
I don’t want to go anywhere
Owls are magical
I can’t breathe
Butterflies are guiding me
I love thunderstorms
I can’t settle
What if this twitch never stops?
I’m missing out
I can’t sleep
They will leave me one day
I can’t explain how I feel
Are angels real?
I am losing myself
I feel everything
Maybe I should be by myself
I love turquoise, mustard, pink, and green
I need help
I will stay in the bath until I am a raisin
I can’t shower today; I might pass out and be found naked
I can’t find my keys, shoes, best pen, that file, what’s my mobile number?
Oh wow velvet
That Kingfisher is a messenger
What’s the answer?
I will fast
Will this work. ( A course, book, medication, supplement, glass of wine, toast, massage, walk, meditate, yoga, mantra, crystal, new clothes, now home, new Netflix show.
No one else feels like this ( Silently drowning)in this meeting
My dog feels my anxiety
I need to wear sunglasses
Why can’t I relax?
They will notice my weird
She is better than me
Ooh, a heart-shaped pebble, cloud, or foam on my coffee, it means something
I need more plants; I really do
He is better than me
Bright lights are horrible.
Single-shot latte please, SINGLE…SHIT, they made me a double
What if I am seriously sick?
I need to sit in a corner
I feel everyone’s pain
I need to run like Forest Gump
I need to hide under blankets
I love pyjamas
I need to sit in a booth
I wish they would be quiet
I hope this doesn’t get worse
Turn the music down
Turn that song up
I used to be.(Happy, fit, confident, chill)
I need more blankets, candles, cushions, oils.
Is this going to tip me over the edge this time?
What if I crash my car whilst having a panic attack?
I feel bad for my body
I need the forest, but I have to drive to get there
I will move to the forest
I hope they leave soon
I hope they stay
The ocean feels like home
Dog is god
I need a massage
What was that?
Don’t touch me; I will cry
I can’t do this
Am I dying
I can’t understand it
Shall I take lots of medication and suppress my feelings?
It’s ok for them; they take high dosage medications that numb their fears
I envy her for leaving her toxic marriage
I can’t live by myself
I know I can get past this somehow if I can just find the thing
Who can help me?
Will I ever be free from this?
Hello morning, tight tummy chest, shallow breathing
Isn’t life meant to be easier?
. Oh, a moment of bliss. (Once a month)
I can help you now that I have travelled this uncomfortable journey, so that you too can feel calm, and confident, and live your life full of positive possibilities.
You can move past this, I can help.
Here's a gift for starters.
My Private online group, I will see you there my darling.