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My Anxiety Shaped Thoughts & Feelings

I first noticed the odd sensation of panic when I was 23 years old, I was in WHSmith's looking for a DIY Divorce. The next time was after the traumatic emergency cesarian, 7 years later.

Year by year panic attacks began to appear out of some dark unhealed space inside my chest. I developed an anxiety disorder.

I haven't had a panic attack for years now, and I've been on a quest to find out what was happening inside, and how it affected every part of my life.

Here are a few (100) thoughts, beliefs, or feelings that grew stronger with each year of not knowing what to do, searching, and suffering.

When I look at this list, it's with a lot of sadness, and love for myself.

I've come a long way, and I no longer have an anxiety disorder. That's not to say I don't feel anxious, I mean it no longer rules my life or gets too much anymore.

I have most of my time anxiety-free, and I love it.

This was my life after suffering a painful trauma in my early thirties.

  1. What’s wrong with me?

  2. I hate driving

  3. That song has a message for me

  4. I hate going to the shops/bars/cafes

  5. What if I faint?

  6. I can’t breathe

  7. I need to be silent

  8. Can we talk?

  9. Shhhhh

  10. Don’t look at me

  11. See me

  12. I should

  13. I could

  14. I can’t

  15. I’m weird, and not in a funky way

  16. I can’t make surface conversations anymore

  17. I need more Palo Santo, Buddha’s, a new journal

  18. I’ll never be able to get passed this

  19. No one understands me

  20. I’m weak

  21. No more sugar

  22. I’m really struggling, and no one knows

  23. What happened to the confident me?

  24. What if this gets worse?

  25. I’ll help ( Others)

  26. Why did I say yes to that?

  27. I don’t want to go anywhere

  28. Owls are magical

  29. I can’t breathe

  30. Butterflies are guiding me

  31. I love thunderstorms

  32. I can’t settle

  33. What if this twitch never stops?

  34. I’m missing out

  35. I can’t sleep

  36. They will leave me one day

  37. I can’t explain how I feel

  38. Are angels real?

  39. I am losing myself

  40. I feel everything

  41. Maybe I should be by myself

  42. I love turquoise, mustard, pink, and green

  43. I need help

  44. I will stay in the bath until I am a raisin

  45. I can’t shower today; I might pass out and be found naked

  46. I can’t find my keys, shoes, best pen, that file, what’s my mobile number?

  47. Oh wow velvet

  48. That Kingfisher is a messenger

  49. What’s the answer?

  50. I will fast

  51. Will this work. ( A course, book, medication, supplement, glass of wine, toast, massage, walk, meditate, yoga, mantra, crystal, new clothes, now home, new Netflix show.

  52. No one else feels like this ( Silently drowning)in this meeting

  53. My dog feels my anxiety

  54. I need to wear sunglasses

  55. Why can’t I relax?

  56. They will notice my weird

  57. She is better than me

  58. Ooh, a heart-shaped pebble, cloud, or foam on my coffee, it means something

  59. I need more plants; I really do

  60. He is better than me

  61. Bright lights are horrible.

  62. Single-shot latte please, SINGLE…SHIT, they made me a double

  63. What if I am seriously sick?

  64. I need to sit in a corner

  65. I feel everyone’s pain

  66. I need to run like Forest Gump

  67. I need to hide under blankets

  68. I love pyjamas

  69. I need to sit in a booth

  70. I wish they would be quiet

  71. I hope this doesn’t get worse

  72. Turn the music down

  73. Turn that song up

  74. I used to be.(Happy, fit, confident, chill)

  75. I need more blankets, candles, cushions, oils.

  76. Is this going to tip me over the edge this time?

  77. What if I crash my car whilst having a panic attack?

  78. I feel bad for my body

  79. I need the forest, but I have to drive to get there

  80. I will move to the forest

  81. I hope they leave soon

  82. I hope they stay

  83. The ocean feels like home

  84. Dog is god

  85. I need a massage

  86. What was that?

  87. Don’t touch me; I will cry

  88. I can’t do this

  89. Am I dying

  90. I can’t understand it

  91. Shall I take lots of medication and suppress my feelings?

  92. It’s ok for them; they take high dosage medications that numb their fears

  93. I envy her for leaving her toxic marriage

  94. I can’t live by myself

  95. I know I can get past this somehow if I can just find the thing

  96. Who can help me?

  97. Will I ever be free from this?

  98. Hello morning, tight tummy chest, shallow breathing

  99. Isn’t life meant to be easier?

  100. . Oh, a moment of bliss. (Once a month)

I can help you now that I have travelled this uncomfortable journey, so that you too can feel calm, and confident, and live your life full of positive possibilities.

You can move past this, I can help.

Here's a gift for starters.

My Private online group, I will see you there my darling.

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2 comentarios

Caron so many of your 100 thoughts resonate with me. Including owls are magical. Thank you so much for sharing. It‘a always like a virtual hug to hear someone else say they too have felt so weird, displaced, not oneself, wanting to hide, thinking strange thoughts…etc. It‘a always one extra step towards truly knowing we’re all just who we are, doing our best in this life. Helping people as you do is so much more authentic when it comes from a place of truely knowing and feeling what others have/are 🙏🏼💗

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Caron Proctor
Caron Proctor
01 jun 2022
Contestando a

Hey Lovely Cate, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment.

I know what you mean, a virtual hug of love and comfort xoxoxoxox

It pains me to know so many others feel similar and feel so stuck as I did.

How are you doing?

Magical Owls are the key ;-) xx

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