My Anxiety Shaped Thoughts & Feelings

I first noticed the odd sensation of panic when I was 23 years old, I was in WHSmith's looking for a DIY Divorce. The next time was after the traumatic emergency cesarian, 7 years later.

Year by year panic attacks began to appear out of some dark unhealed space inside my chest. I developed an anxiety disorder.

I haven't had a panic attack for years now, and I've been on a quest to find out what was happening inside, and how it affected every part of my life.

Here are a few (100) thoughts, beliefs, or feelings that grew stronger with each year of not knowing what to do, searching, and suffering.

When I look at this list, it's with a lot of sadness, and love for myself.

I've come a long way, and I no longer have an anxiety disorder. That's not to say I don't feel anxious, I mean it no longer rules my life or gets too much anymore.

I have most of my time anxiety-free, and I love it.

This was my life after suffering a painful trauma in my early thirties.

1. What’s wrong with me?

2. I hate driving

3. That song has a message for me

4. I hate going to the shops/bars/cafes

5. What if I faint?

6. I can’t breathe

7. I need to be silent

8. Can we talk?

9. Shhhhh

10. Don’t look at me

11. See me

12. I should

13. I could

14. I can’t

15. I’m weird, and not in a funky way

16. I can’t make surface conversations anymore

17. I need more Palo Santo, Buddha’s, a new journal

18. I’ll never be able to get passed this

19. No one understands me

20. I’m weak

21. No more sugar

22. I’m really struggling, and no one knows

23. What happened to the confident me?

24. What if this gets worse?

25. I’ll help ( Others)

26. Why did I say yes to that?

27. I don’t want to go anywhere

28. Owls are magical

29. I can’t breathe

30. Butterflies are guiding me

31. I love thunderstorms

32. I can’t settle

33. What if this twitch never stops?

34. I’m missing out

35. I can’t sleep

36. They will leave me one day

37. I can’t explain how I feel

38. Are angels real?

39. I am losing myself

40. I feel everything

41. Maybe I should be by myself

42. I love turquoise, mustard, pink, and green

43. I need help

44. I will stay in the bath until I am a raisin

45. I can’t shower today; I might pass out and be found naked

46. I can’t find my keys, shoes, best pen, that file, what’s my mobile number?

47. Oh wow velvet

48. That Kingfisher is a messenger

49. What’s the answer?

50. I will fast

51. Will this work. ( A course, book, medication, supplement, glass of wine, toast, massage, walk, meditate, yoga, mantra, crystal, new clothes, now home, new Netflix show.

52. No one else feels like this ( Silently drowning)in this meeting

53. My dog feels my anxiety

54. I need to wear sunglasses

55. Why can’t I relax?

56. They will notice my weird

57. She is better than me

58. Ooh, a heart-shaped pebble, cloud, or foam on my coffee, it means something

59. I need more plants; I really do

60. He is better than me

61. Bright lights are horrible.

62. Single-shot latte please, SINGLE…SHIT, they made me a double

63. What if I am seriously sick?

64. I need to sit in a corner

65. I feel everyone’s pain

66. I need to run like Forest Gump

67. I need to hide under blankets

68. I love pyjamas

69. I need to sit in a booth

70. I wish they would be quiet

71. I hope this doesn’t get worse

72. Turn the music down

73. Turn that song up

74. I used to be.(Happy, fit, confident, chill)

75. I need more blankets, candles, cushions, oils.

76. Is this going to tip me over the edge this time?

77. What if I crash my car whilst having a panic attack?

78. I feel bad for my body

79. I need the forest, but I have to drive to get there

80. I will move to the forest

81. I hope they leave soon

82. I hope they stay

83. The ocean feels like home

84. Dog is god

85. I need a massage

86. What was that?

87. Don’t touch me; I will cry

88. I can’t do this

89. Am I dying

90. I can’t understand it

91. Shall I take lots of medication and suppress my feelings?

92. It’s ok for them; they take high dosage medications that numb their fears

93. I envy her for leaving her toxic marriage

94. I can’t live by myself

95. I know I can get past this somehow if I can just find the thing

96. Who can help me?

97. Will I ever be free from this?

98. Hello morning, tight tummy chest, shallow breathing

99. Isn’t life meant to be easier?

100. . Oh, a moment of bliss. (Once a month)

I can help you now that I have travelled this uncomfortable journey, so that you too can feel calm, and confident, and live your life full of positive possibilities.

You can move past this, I can help.

Here's a gift for starters.

My Private online group, I will see you there my darling.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/195969417834728