When Christmas Feels Sad and Why That’s Actually Healthy

Christmas is meant to feel joyful.

Connected.

Warm.

Full.

So when it feels quiet, heavy, or sad, many people assume something must be wrong with them.

There isn’t.

Feeling sad or low at Christmas is not a lack of gratitude. It is often a sign of emotional truth.

Why Christmas can feel heavy

Christmas amplifies everything.

It brings into focus who is here and who is not, who is far away, what has changed, and the people we miss, love, or have lost.

For me, this Christmas carries a particular tenderness.

My youngest son is on the beat, meeting violence and traumatic experiences head on. I feel profound pride and deep gratitude for the work he is doing. I would not change a thing. He is doing God’s work.

Both of my boys chose to work over Christmas so others with young children could take time off and be together. They did it quietly, without fuss, because that is who they are. I am extremely proud of them.

I am also deeply grateful for FaceTime and for long, love filled conversations with my niece, and with my boys and the people they love. Distance softens when voices are heard and faces are seen, even if the ache remains.

There is so much gratitude here.

And still, I am not joyful.

Both things are true.

When loved ones are across the world, the gap feels wider at Christmas. The distance is more noticeable and the heart feels it.

Sadness does not mean you are ungrateful. It means you are honest

You can appreciate your life and still feel the ache of missing people. You can feel thankful and feel sorrow at the same time.

This is not negativity. It is reality.

And I want to be clear about something important.

I do not want anyone to make me feel better. I do not want pity or reassurance or to be told it is a shame.

I want my truth to be accepted.

Because I am choosing to feel this fully.

This is not about positive thinking

There is a quiet pressure at Christmas to reframe quickly, to look on the bright side, to stay positive.

But emotional health is not about thinking your way out of a true feeling.

Sometimes the most grounded thing you can say is this is how I feel and I am brave enough to stay with it.

I am happy to feel this sadness. I am glad I am allowing it. I know there is powerful growth here for me if I stay and allow.

This grief is not a black hole I am lost in. It is energy in motion.

There are pockets of darkness, yes. But mostly there is light. A soft, peaceful, painful light.

Grief is here because of love

I chose to have Christmas Day the way I did. And deep down, I wondered how I would feel.

Grief arrived, not as a surprise, but as a companion.

Because grief does not come from nowhere. It comes from love, from connection, from care.

If I did not love deeply, I would not feel this.

Being with yourself when Christmas feels sad

You do not need to fix it or rush yourself into cheer.

You can sit outside under the shade with your books and your dogs. You can sleep when you need to. Walk in the forest. Watch movies. Let the days be simple.

Self nurture is not indulgent. It is intelligent.

You are strong enough to carry grief. And you are allowed to be gentle while you do. You are allowed to be loud, quiet, reflective, soft, real. You are allowed to be you.

Light lives alongside the grief

I am having moments of bliss amongst the weight of grief and missing.

I am loving Kala, my new baby Griffon girl, and loving Eddie the pug as he ages so quietly beside me. I am loving the birds, the small catch ups with family, the crosswords with Craig.

These moments do not cancel the grief. They sit alongside it.

This is what healthy grieving looks like. Feeling it all. Letting it move. Letting it breathe.

This season will pass but honesty matters

Christmas is a moment, not a measure of your life.

If this Christmas feels sad, it may be because you have loved deeply, you are missing people across oceans and realms, and you are brave enough to tell yourself the truth.

That is not weakness.

That is maturity.

That is courage.

That is growth.

Be gentle with yourself, babe. You are not doing Christmas wrong. You are moving through it with awareness, love, and grace.

If you are lucky and brave enough to love fully, you’ll need to be even braver to be able to move past the loss of love.

Maybe it’s never lost? Maybe we forget it’s part of us, and therefore always there?

Maybe we carry the love forever ❤️

Thanks for reading, I wasn’t sure if I would publish this, but I figured someone else may feel some kind of sense of relief from knowing that they are not alone xx

Love and hugs Cxx