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Living with a gaslighter or narcissist is like riding an emotional rollercoaster, babe. They can be big on grand gestures, showering you with affection and promises that make you feel valued, only to switch suddenly, like Jekyll and Hyde, into someone who undermines and belittles you.
This unpredictable behaviour keeps you off balance, constantly questioning yourself and hoping that the person you fell in love with will return. The highs of their charming side make it even harder to leave, as you cling to those moments, despite the emotional damage they cause when they reveal their darker side.
Common behaviours include constant criticism, which slowly erodes your self-esteem by pointing out your flaws or blaming you for things that aren’t your fault. They may deny your reality by gaslighting you, making you question your memory, perceptions, or sanity. Another common trait is their lack of empathy—they dismiss your feelings or make everything about them.
They might also isolate you from friends and family, ensuring that you rely on them completely, which deepens your dependence and makes it harder to leave.
Narcissists and gaslighters often struggle with deeper issues, babe, which can lead to various addictions, such as alcohol, drugs, sex, work, spending, or exercise. These addictions can amplify their toxic traits, making them even more unpredictable and difficult to deal with. Their addictive behaviours can become tools for manipulation, as they might use them to gain sympathy, control, or excuse their harmful actions.
This further complicates the relationship, as you may find yourself trying to "save" them, even as they continue to hurt you.
I know it's really hard, babe. I’ve been there, and I understand the emotional turbulence it brings.
It took a lot of courage, support, and proper self-love to break free and recognise the patterns that kept me trapped.
But if I can do it, so can you. I’m sharing this with you not just as advice, but as someone who has walked that difficult path and found a way out.
We find it hard to accept their toxic behaviour because they often blur the lines between love and manipulation. Their ability to mix kindness with cruelty creates confusion, making it difficult to recognise just how harmful their actions truly are.
You might rationalise their behaviour, thinking it's just a phase, or believe you can help them change. Accepting that someone you care about is toxic is painful, so you might downplay their behaviour or blame yourself, which keeps you trapped in the cycle.
But deep down, babe, you know there’s a cycle, and you know you’re part of it. Recognising this can be tough, as it means facing the reality that things won’t change and that staying only prolongs the pain.
I want you to remember, with all my heart, that you have the strength and courage to break free and create a healthier, happier life for yourself. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, and you have everything within you to build that for yourself.
Take it one step at a time, be gentle with yourself, and trust that you’re on a journey towards healing and freedom. You are strong, you are worthy, and you have the power to embrace the beautiful future that awaits you.
Keep believing in yourself, babe. You’ve got this.
Love, love Caron xox
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