I see clients who are struggling with a situation, but they HATE confrontation.
Most of us see confrontation as a negative thing.
We don’t want to be the person who feels like the bad guy, and we don’t want to be the person who hides from a challenge either.
If you avoid confrontations it’s likely that you’ve had messy experiences, or you may just choose to bury your head in the sand and pretend you don’t care.
Either way, not learning how to be able to confront someone will only serve you a dose of anxiety or depression.
Avoidance is NOT living your truth, it’s a form of self-sabotage.
Here’s some subtle ways we avoid confrontation
Changing the subject
Ignore the elephant in the room
We pretend we’re ok
We hide out, in work, drink, sleep, eating...
We block someone, emotionally or physically
Try to think about Confrontation as an act of love or respect.
Confrontation allows transparency, honesty and can build deep bonds.
When we learn how to lean into mindful confrontation, we become stronger leaders, partners and game changers.
When we learn how to handle confrontation it creates more positive outcomes and establishes clean lines of communication.
I know It can feel like a dark place to go, but it doesn’t have to be that way. We can learn that it’s the adult way to communicate, that it’s a practice of assertive communication for things that really matter.
For fearless confrontation, remember..
It’s not personal, even though it feels like it. Think in terms of confronting the issue, not the person.
Think of confrontation as feedback
Address one challenge at a time
Keep a low, calm, clear tone and open body language.
Ask yourself what you want to achieve
The other person may be blissfully unaware of the issue
Remember don’t assume anything
Stay mindful, write it out, is bringing this to the other persons attention for the greater good?
Believe in a happy outcome
Remember the high costs of not facing the issue
You have the right to speak up for how you feel or what you want
I spent too long afraid of confrontation because it became stormy and unpredictable, it felt intensely personal.
I now know I handled confrontation from fear, from overwhelm, from a pile up of unfaced issues.
I’m now stronger, speaking in a way that shows self-respect whilst not disrespecting the other party. I am more afraid of living a lie than blocking an issue these days.
Embrace confrontation. (It’s life…shit happens!) The key is mastering how you deal with it, and knowing you have the power to decide how you react in every situation.
When you don’t effectively name the actions, behaviours, and attitudes that are impacting you and others, they continue. The costs of avoidance much too high.
Let me know how you go and pop a comment on my website, I would love to hear from you.