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GENERALIZATION WARNING
This isn't all marriages; it's just the ones where both struggle to be the people each other fell in love with, where the woman takes on the role of Mother, Housekeeper, Home Manager, and the guy focuses on work, his hobbies, and his own needs first. I'm aware this is a stereotype, but it's a sad reality. The guy often avoids, the woman commonly gets anxious.
It's not about blaming, it's about general patterns of relationships where both need to take notice of what's really causing the strain that can lead to divorce.
Your wife isn’t unhappy because you didn’t do the dishes or put the toilet seat down. She isn’t upset because you didn’t put your cup in the sink, or text her back.
She’s become tired of feeling like you don’t respect her, that she can’t count on you for the rest of her life, she’s lost her faith in you, she’s scared. She's lost her sense of self and feels stuck. The other things are symptoms of a build-up.
She's feeling undesired as a woman, she's become a Wife/Mum/Cleaner/Manager.
So, the next time you get angry because you feel nagged, remember your wife needs to feel that you’ve got her back, that she’s safe with you, that you are equal partners, that she needs you to stand tall next to her locking arms, not words.
It's not your fault, it's not about blame, it's both of you.
I know you have your own needs too; I know you may feel the same, that your wife has changed so much, that she's anxious, she's lost her confidence.
I know you are frustrated too, that you need space, that she's not into you like she used to be.
This isn't an attack on guys, it's a hope that couples can work things out together, with love, respect and remembering they love each other.
Not every divorce is necessary
A happy marriage is about…
Truths, yours, theirs, and the universal truth.
Respect, you don’t have to like everything about each other, but you do have to be respectful.
Thinking of the others needs before your own sometimes.
Trust needs to be built, understood, and practiced.
Not being the parent to your partner, and not being the child.
Listening to hear, not reacting.
Teamwork, be balanced, don’t presume.
Putting each other before friends, work, hobbies. Netflix, phones, and laptops.
Open respectful communication.
Sharing the load, as well as the love.
Going to bed at the same time most nights.
Kissing, on the cheek, neck, lips, every day.
Shared dreams, and fears.
Understanding your partner's needs are different from yours, and that you both need to communicate lovingly your desires, needs, and wants.
For you both to be KIND OVER RIGHT
The bottom line is that whatever you are unhappy about with your partner, you aren’t owning your part at a deeper level.
Don’t let the dishes pile up, or the resentments.
Instead, build a pile of love or even a mountain.
For help with this, contact me.
You can change your life if you really want to, you deserve to have a happy, loving marriage.
Love Love Caron
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