The Guilt We Didn’t Used to Have

I had an evening to myself the other night.

The house was quiet. No one needed me.

And all I wanted to do was watch TV.

Simple, right?

Except it wasn’t.

Because almost immediately, this wave of guilt rolled in.

You should be adding that event to your website.

You could be stretching.

Sorting your paperwork.

Reading something useful.

Creating something.

Improving something.

Doing something.

Anything but sitting down and watching a show.

And I caught myself thinking, is this just me because I work for myself

Or is this a thing now

This low-level, constant hum of

You should be doing more

I don’t remember my mum having this.

She’d watch TV at night with a kitchen floor that hadn’t been mopped and I don’t think she gave it a second thought.

She even had a TV in her bedroom.

And it wasn’t loaded with guilt.

I’m sure she had worries, different ones,

But I don’t think she was sitting there wondering if she should be optimising her evening or herself.

Somewhere along the way, something shifted.

Now it’s not just resting.

It’s

Shouldn’t you be learning something?

Growing something

Fixing something

Posting something

And it’s not just our time.

It’s everything.

Recycle, but properly. Rinse it, sort it, and remove the lid.

Buy local. Buy ethically. Spend more, but wisely.

Eat clean, move your body, look after your skin, but don’t age.

Have the glowing skin, the toned body, the lifted everything

Brazilian butt lifts for God's sake

Create a beautiful home, minimal, calm, magazine-worthy, but lived in.

Drive the right car, or better yet, an electric one.

Have hobbies, but do them properly, with the right gear.

Meditate. Journal. Heal. Grow.

Even going for a simple walk or planning a hike turns into a project.

Shoes. Jacket. Pack. Weather. Essentials.

Nothing is just simple anymore.

And the noise is constant.

Be better

Do better

Use your time wisely

Don’t waste your potential

Even our downtime feels like something we are getting wrong.

And I wonder if this is part of why so many people feel so wired and so tired at the same time.

The stress

The anxiety

The sleep problems

The sense that no matter what you do, it is not quite enough

So we reach for ways to quiet it.

A drink at the end of the day

Medication

Over exercising

Overfilling our lives

Anything to get a moment of peace from that voice

I have a long weekend by myself.

And I am genuinely curious.

Will I let myself watch a chick flick in the middle of the day

Will I read just because I feel like it

Will I leave the kitchen floor alone

Or will that voice creep in again

You have the house to yourself

You should be doing something worthwhile

So I have started a quiet rebellion.

Not replying to emails after hours

Not jumping every time something pings

Letting some things wait

It is small

But it is a start

So maybe the real question is not how do we keep up

But can we step out

Can we turn the volume down on the noise

Can we stop measuring ourselves against every new standard thrown at us

Can we opt out, even a little

And remember something much simpler

That we were already enough

Before the world told us we weren’t

Be a rebel xxx

Love love C xxx