Updated: Apr 3
Divorce can be a complex and emotional process, but it can also be a chance for growth, self-discovery, and a fresh start.
Every year in New Zealand, thousands and thousands of divorces are granted. Although I love a happy romantic ending, I love a truly happy human more. So, I am all for working on your marriage. I did for over a decade, we didn't want the marriage to break, but it did.
Everyone's experience of a romantic relationship is unique, and it's the same for separation and divorce. There's no set plan, but there is light. There's a lot of light at the end and inside the tunnel.
When we suddenly separated, I was devastated, terrified, and emotionally, mentally, and physically shattered. Even though I had known it was a probable outcome for a long time. Neither of us was happy, our values had changed, and we had grown apart. But we had a beautiful house, two loving sons, family, friends, and finances woven together. We still loved each other but were no longer good for each other.
This story is familiar and a huge part of my coaching practice. Figuring out what to do when the future seems like a thick fog of fear.
But my darlings, I wanted to share with you the lights…the highlights, and the goodness that can emerge throughout separation and divorce.
Here are a few of my personal ones and of my clients over the years. I hope they give you some hope.
Freedom: After a divorce, you may feel a sense of freedom and independence that you didn't have before. You can make decisions about your life without considering your partner's needs or opinions. Personal growth: Divorce can be a reflection and personal growth time. You learned much about yourself, your needs, and your values during the process.
Positive changes: Divorce can be an opportunity to make positive changes. For example, you may have started a new hobby, taken on new responsibilities, or made new friends. Relief: If your marriage was unhappy or toxic, you might feel a sense of relief and peace after the divorce is finalized. You no longer must live with the stress and negativity that may have been present in your marriage.
Improved relationships: Divorce can sometimes lead to improved relationships with ex-partners, as both parties can move on and establish new boundaries. This can be especially true if children are involved, as both parents may prioritize co-parenting and creating a positive environment for their children.
New opportunities: Divorce can be a chance to explore new opportunities and experiences. You may have more time and energy to pursue new hobbies or interests or even explore a new career path.
Personal growth: Going through a divorce can be a challenging and transformative experience that can lead to personal growth and self-discovery. You may learn more about yourself and what you need in a relationship, which can lead to healthier relationships in the future.
If you are reading this and uncertain about separation, that's another story. Don't hesitate to get in touch with me for guidance and support.
One of my specialties is working with people considering separation or divorce, so don't hesitate. It's essential to get professional support, emotional, and legal.
Here's to us all as we do our best to live harmoniously.
Love love Caron xox