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Allow All The Feels

I cried. and I laughed in a café on Friday—a kind word, a listening ear.

I cried and laughed on Friday when my old mate Rich called from his hotel room before his big Dublin gig—a comforting blanket from my teenage years, a shared history of hearts and Sheffield family.

I cried at 5 am on Wednesday when Craig touched my back, knowing I was in pain—a gentle, silent touch with no agenda.

I cried knowing a lovely friend was having life-saving surgery on Wednesday—the confrontation of fragile existence, and a reminder of those I've loved and lost. 

I cried with joy on Thursday when Alison found her perfect Maid of Honour dress—tears of love, life, a ten-year friendship, and standing by each other through thick and thin.

The horror of my mum's final week in this realm, and the beauty of holding her hand, surrounded by family, feels like a constant fire in my chest that gets stoked by the love of others. 

And so, I cry, I laugh, I feel deeply—I feel it all. I take no pills, I sit with it, walk with it, and be present with it. 

And just like burning the fallen leaves in autumn, I transmute my sadness into awe, into the knowing of school friend miracles, of true love, and of the heart fuel that is my sons.

So, babe, cry, laugh, and feel it all, because that's real healing, that's knowing what matters, that's letting the traffic of life flow.

I surrender to it all

I feel it all.

I love you all.

Caron xox

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